J2:Someone has a crush...
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: Someone has a big crush on Van, and it's driving him nuts! Who could this secret crush be? Read to find out! Muahahaha.


BASE HREF="http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/AngelsWings/"  
  
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Man, am I ever sick. It's a ?+Van fic. Don't worry, Van doesn't return the feelings ^_^. Just the thought of making a fic like this made me laugh, I just had to do it, the sick little voice in the back of my head made me!   
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Sick little voice: *all squeaky* Muahahaha!  
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Kaosu-Chan: SEE! I'm not insane! I'm not insane!!!! *runs around in cricles, screaming, arms flailing*  
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Warnings: Er...mild scwearing (you know what I'm talking about) And that's about it.  
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Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne, damnit!  
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*****  
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Dear 'Journal',p  
  
Merle told me about this form of writing. Personally I think it's a waste of time, I could be practicing with my sword or working on bonding with Escaflowne, but Merle insisted so I'll do it to shut her up.  
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Speaking of Escaflowne, it's been acting...strange. I know it's impossible for a machine to act ANYTHING, but Escaflowne isn't your ordinary machine to being with, so there. I'll explain what I mean when I say strange. Today while I was sitting on the arm of Escaflowne and just thinking. About what? Err...just...things. No, I was not thinking about Hitomi! Shut up and keep out of my business. Anyways, I was just sitting there minding my own business and suddenly I heard someone giggle. I thought it was Merle, so I turned around to yell at her but no one was there. I ignored it and went on with my...err...business. Than I heard it again, it was coming from Escaflowne. I looked up at the top and I saw the face of it was turning red. I thought someone was attacking so I jumped down, and the redness went away. I swear, I searched that place high and low, up and down for 40 minutes and I couldn't find anyone. I must be going insane. Anyways, that's about all for today.p  
  
Dear Journal,p  
  
I can't believe I'm still writing in this thing, but Escaflowne was acting up again, and I had to let it out. I couldn't tell anyone because they would think I'm crazy. Anyways, today while I was cleaning my sword next to Esacflowne, I heard someone whistle. I turned around but no one was there. I was starting to think the place was haunted, but that's even more stupid than Escaflowne acting strange. So I continued to clean my sword, being sure to watch my back in the reflection of the sword. Than I heard the whistle again, followed by a giggle, the same giggle I heard yesterday. I turned around again, my sword at the ready -but no one was there. That's it, I snapped. "Who's there!?" I yelled. "Come out and fight!" No one came out, but I heard that giggle again, only louder. I growled and went back to work. I was planning on surprising the person by ignoring them, and than catching them when they came closer. As I expected I heard another whistle and giggle. I ignored it as planned and continued to shine the sword. Than I heard it again, but ignored it. Than I heard a laugh and someone said "Ooo, playing hard-to-get are you?".  
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It was a woman's voice, but it didn't sound like anyone I knew. I turned around again and saw Escaflowne turn that red color. I growled and demanded that the person show herself, and instead she laughed, so I decided to go after her. Once again, I searched everywhere and no one could be found.  
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This is really REALLY starting to annoy me. Someone's going to pay for all this...NO, I am NOT scared! Don't be stupid.p  
  
Dear Journal,p  
  
That's it! This proves it! Someone has either tinkered with Escaflowne or I'm slowly going insane. You'll never believe what it did today. I was practicing with my sword and I heard that annoying whistle again. I almost broke my sword in half I was so mad. Than I heard someone say "Heerreee cutie,cutie,cutie!", and it was coming from Escaflowne! So I climbed up on top of it and looked around. No one was there. I looked inside of Escaflowne -no one was there. I sat down on the arm of Escaflowne, annoyed to the point of killing someone. Than I heard "Your mine sweetie" and Escaflowne moved! The arm lifted up and brought me right up to the face. I jumped off and opened the hatch, my sword raised -no one was in there. I swear, I was so surprised I almost lost my balance on Escaflowne. Than that laugh, and it moved again. It tried to GRAB me! I jumped off and ran right to get Allen. Big mistake. He laughed in my face. Literally just laughed in my face. He said "The pressure of war was getting to me." I was thinking about killing him but Hitomi was right there. She looked worried. Hitomi was actually worried about me, I- Errr...didn't care. I can take care of myself. ehem Yes well, I'm going to get to the bottom of this if it kills me!!  
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Dear Journal,p  
  
I'm really thinking about trashing Escaflowne. No, I mean REALLY thinking. I mean it. This is just getting way too weird. But now I have someone else on my side- Hitomi. See, when there's trouble she's always there a- Err, yes well, on with the story than ehem. Today was the peak of sheer annoyance and freakiness. I was with Escaflowne again. I know what your thinking "Why the hell are you staying there??" Well, I want to get to the bottom of this, so I'm staying where the source is. Anyways, I was working with my sword again. I'm starting to bring the thing for self-defense purposes only. Anywho, I was there, and I heard a weird sound. I really couldn't put my finger on it, but I got ready just incase. Than I heard that stupid whistle again. Since the last time I went on that thing it tried to grab me, I stayed away from it this time. Instead I yelled "If you don't come out now, I'm going to make you wish you were never born!"  
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"Not with you around sweetie" Was the reply. I looked around. Left, right, whatever direction you can think of and saw no one. Than I looked up at Escaflowne -and gasped. It looked like it was smirking! I whiped my eyes and looked again -that same smug smirk. Okay, I was officially freaked out. No not SCARED, just FREAKED. There's a difference you idiot. Anyways, I jumped up on Escaflowne and got a closer look at the face. Yup, the thing was smirking. Very, very weird. Getting this close was a very bad idea because three seconds later Escaflowne bent down and knocked heads with me. Well...it was so big that it knocked heads with me, but I think the thing was trying to kiss me! I KNOW that that sounds weird but its true! The smirk part touched my lips! Anyways, I was so shocked that I fell backwards. I clamped my eyes shut, expecting to hit cold dirt but instead I hit cool metal. I looked around and I was in the hand of Escaflowne. It CAUGHT me. Than I heard that same giggle and Escaflowne bent down and looked at me. That smirk was back. Okay, I had enough, I unsheathed my sword and got in a defense pose. Than Escaflowne said "Tehe! Your so cute when you get all defensive!"  
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Okay, that was the last straw. It kissed me, laughed at me, and now it was teasing me. I wasn't going to take this anymore. I jumped up and sliced Escaflowne right down it's head. And nothing happened. Big surprise. It laughed loudly and picked me up by my ankle. I did NOT appreciate this gesture. I kicked and punched, and demanded that it released me. Than it laughed again and said "Aw common Sugar Pie, don't tell me you don't want this."  
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"What!? What the hell are you talking about!?" This thing was really getting on my nerves.  
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"You ride me all day long, don't tell me you don't feel what I feel."  
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Wow, my Mecha had a crush on me? HELL NO!  
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"PUT.ME.DOWN!"  
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"Aww, but I just got you!"  
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"Van!" I heard someone shout behind me. Hitomi. It was Hitomi! Thank you Kami I was saved! I heard Escaflowne gasp and it dropped me. Damnit, that HURT!  
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"Van! Are you alright?! What was Escaflowne...DOING to you?"  
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I than told Hitomi everything that happened. She actually believed me. At least I'm not alone on this anymore.  
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Dear Journalp  
  
Today had to be the most disturbing day of my life, but at least this is all over. Hitomi wouldn't let me get anywhere near Escaflowne alone, no matter how many times I told her I could handle myself. So I was sitting outside, with Hitomi right next to me (^_^), sharpening my sword, when I heard a growl. I mean it was a really loud, really animal like growl. I jumped up and unsheathed my sword, ready to slay some kind of dragon or something. And than suddenly Escaflowne appears! It's face is really red, and there was steam coming out of it's head. Yeah, STEAM. Than it yells "Get the heck away from MY man." And as if that wasn't weird enough, it goes right up to Hitomi and slaps her! Of course, Escaflowne being a good 4 times bigger than Hitomi is way stronger than her, so Hitomi went flying. I tried to go after her and see if she was alright but Escaflowne grabbed me by the ankles -again!- and wouldn't let me go. It kept giggling and poking me. Than it started to walk away -with me! I saw Hitomi get up and try to come after us but Escaflowne turned into a dragon and we flew away.  
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We landed in some weird cave Dornkerk knows where, and Escaflowne still hadn't let me go. It was time for some answers.  
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"Alright, who's doing this? Who's somehow controlling Escaflowne!? I swear if there's someone in there I-"  
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It giggles. "Don't be silly Van! No one's controlling me. I'm not that kind of girl!" yet another giggle.  
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"Your not a girl at all! You are a MACHINE. They can't talk, or feel or giggle!"  
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"Oh I feel alright, I feel for you." It purred, and picked me up YET AGAIN. I couldn't believe it. Not only was my war partner a GIRL but it had a CRUSH on me. Allen was never going to believe this. Of course, if Hitomi told him he would. Allen believes everything Hitomi says, cause he's such a damn gentl- Errr, sorry, got off topic. ANYWAYS, Escaflowne than proceeded to PET me. It put me in its lap and petted my head with its huge hand. Sometimes it would try to TICKLE me. Than sometimes it would poke at me and tell me what a cutie I was. I felt like a DOG. I finally blew up after around ten minutes of puppy treatment.  
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"LEAVE.ME.ALONE!"  
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"Oh Van, don't be silly, I know you want me as much as I want you."  
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"No I don't! You are a MACHINE. I'm HUMAN. GET IT!?"  
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"And what a cute human you are!"  
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"-_-()"  
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"Look, I know that you tend to have problems with admitting your feelings."  
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"Wha-"  
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"- You never say what you really feel, I see it all the time. You spend most of your time with me. You treat me with respect. You even tried to bond with me! Common Van, I can take a hint."  
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" That's because I need you to win the war! I need you to FIGHT that's IT."  
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Escaflowne looked hurt. "So...you used me as a tool?"  
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Okay, I couldn't take much more of this. "You ARE a tool!!"  
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I must really have bad luck with women. I mean, even if they aren't human, because the next thing I knew I was being slapped right through a cave wall.  
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When I woke up, the first thing I saw was Hitomi. She was hovering above me with a worried look on her face. That and one hell of a bruise on her left cheek. Youch.  
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"Van? Are you alright? What happened!?"  
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"Ugh. Escaflowne went horny on me."  
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"WHAT!?"  
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"Well you saw what happened. It thought I loved it."  
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"So what did you tell her?"  
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"That I didn't!"  
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"Well no wonder You have that huge bruise on your face!"  
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Bruse. What bruise? I have a BRUSE!?  
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"WHAT!?" I leaped to the closest mirror I could find, and low and behold, there was a bruise even bigger than Hitomi's.  
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"Thats it! I'm dismantling Escaflowne!"  
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"No! Van you can't do that!"  
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"WHY NOT!?"  
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"Because it has feelings just like everyone else and you hurt them. Just leave her alone and let her cool off."  
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"But-"  
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"Van..." Oh no, Hitomi gave me that look. Not the cute lost one. Not the cute angry one. The "I'm gonna make you hella guilty" one. And that's all it took for me to get hooked.  
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"Oh alright."  
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Dear Journal,  
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Well, the whole Escaflowne having a crush on me thing is over. Escaflowne cooled down and stopped talking to me. Thankfully. I really don't care if its mad at me, just as long as it can fight. Did I tell Hitomi I felt this way? HELL NO.   
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I'm just glad life is back to normal. I'd laugh if Allen's horse started having a crush on him. WOW, would I make him suffer! Hitomi made him feel all guilty for not believing me. Gotta love her. Err...not that I do! Nooo, sir.  
  



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